The Last Leaf

In the blink of an eye, your entire life can fall apart. I know this because, mine did.

It was November.. and you could see the last of the autumn leaves break off from their branches and carry away with the wind. I was happy with my life, and probably wouldn't change anything about it; but I guess God had other plans in store for me. 

I remember the night clearly, and I wish I couldn't; but you will quickly come to find it hard, trying to erase a memory that's etched deeply into the depths of your heart. It's a night I reflect on often, a memory that is constantly running in the back of my mind.. a nightmare that I can't seem to wake up from. That was the night my family became split into two separate pieces, the night in which I learned that I would be saying goodbye to the place I had always called home, the night in which I discovered that my life, would never be the same again.

It's hard finding the right words sometimes, which is why this is so difficult for me to write. After a course of six months, I still find myself trapped in this state of mind, where I'm hoping, and childishly believing that everything will somehow be as it was in November. I cling to the past, and no matter where I go, what I'm doing, or who I'm with- I still dream of those days. Normal people dream of the future, and the memories they'll make- but not me, I dream of the memories I've already made, the hours already passed, the choices already chosen.

In this life, we will all have instances in which we have to make decisions, that will the change the course of our lives. The decision you make may lead you down a new path, or just make the path you're on more challenging. You may lose yourself in the process, and everything you know may disintegrate in just a matter of seconds; but the key is that no matter what: you always find a way to believe.
In November, as the last leaf fell I was on a different path, and was a different person. I now sit here, six months later, still trying to find the right words. And although I cling to the person I once was, I continue the long, and restless search for the person I'm meant to be, the person God lead me down a different alley to find.

No matter how hard I try, I can't keep the last November leaf from falling.. but instead, carry it as a memory, and continue on the search to find the person God wants me so badly to be..

.. and the search that will let go of November, and turn over a new leaf.