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https://live.ae.com/entries/zs68qNjz2dwEHmsSGST3

And I'm here.

I think what keeps me grounded is that I live in two entirely different worlds. It makes me feel really small, and it puts my whole life into perspective. It humbles me and allows me to take a deep breath and realize that I'm this very little piece of this huge Earth. And that's where I find the ambition to set myself apart from the world, to make my life one that will be remembered.

Forever Changed

This week has been pretty rough and especially today, until just a few minutes ago. While waiting on a bench for my sister to get done shopping at the mall, two very outgoing and insightful girls in their early twenties came and sat down beside me. We got to know each other and they told me about how they had come from different places all over the east coast to Louisville, to pray for people in the comfort of their homes for 6 months. The thought of two people, not much older than me, giving up their everyday lives and moving to a strange place to spread the word of God has really inspired me in ways I can't really describe. It has opened up my heart, and showed me that we all have a purpose and a duty to bring light into a place of darkness. It is truly unfathomable how God can place certain people in your path that will remind you about all the important things in life, and drown you in His grace to a point where your heart overflows. I witnessed this amazing presence tonight, and as I sit here forever changed I pray everyone can experience something like this in their life. I love my God so, so much.

Who I Am

      I take a deep breath, look in the mirror, and see the same face I've seen my whole life. I see a dreamer with the fear of letting himself down. I see Austin Murphy, and I don't know who that is. 

      I have always known that I was different from everyone else. My whole life I've reached for the stars when no one else has, and I'm told countless times that I have my head up in the clouds. I truly know and believe that I'm meant for something else in this world, but I have recently realized that first I have to find my myself. I have to find the faith to take chances. I have to look in the mirror and know who I am, before I know who I want to be. 

I feel freedom.

Sometimes I wonder what my life would be like if nothing had ever changed, and I am left with a bittersweet mindset of thankfulness to know that I all I can ever do is speculate. It has been exactly a year since my life changed and as I look back upon all the memories, I find myself looking back as a bigger person. There have been moments in these past 365 days where I lost my faith completely, but in the midst of this crazy world I find myself one piece at a time. A day does not go by where I don't think about the amazing people who have impacted my life, and I will be forever grateful for all of you. But, I have learned that in this life that God gives us all opportunities, ones that we must take and embrace to the absolute fullest. So as I live this life, I live it knowing that I am one step closer to achieving everything I have ever dreamed of. But most importantly: I live it in happiness.

I will leave my mark so everyone will know, I Was Here.

"I'm learning how to drown out the constant noise that is such an inseparable part of my life. I don't have to prove anything to anyone, I only have to follow my heart and concentrate on what I want to say to the world. I run my world."

The Last Leaf

In the blink of an eye, your entire life can fall apart. I know this because, mine did.

It was November.. and you could see the last of the autumn leaves break off from their branches and carry away with the wind. I was happy with my life, and probably wouldn't change anything about it; but I guess God had other plans in store for me. 

I remember the night clearly, and I wish I couldn't; but you will quickly come to find it hard, trying to erase a memory that's etched deeply into the depths of your heart. It's a night I reflect on often, a memory that is constantly running in the back of my mind.. a nightmare that I can't seem to wake up from. That was the night my family became split into two separate pieces, the night in which I learned that I would be saying goodbye to the place I had always called home, the night in which I discovered that my life, would never be the same again.

It's hard finding the right words sometimes, which is why this is so difficult for me to write. After a course of six months, I still find myself trapped in this state of mind, where I'm hoping, and childishly believing that everything will somehow be as it was in November. I cling to the past, and no matter where I go, what I'm doing, or who I'm with- I still dream of those days. Normal people dream of the future, and the memories they'll make- but not me, I dream of the memories I've already made, the hours already passed, the choices already chosen.

In this life, we will all have instances in which we have to make decisions, that will the change the course of our lives. The decision you make may lead you down a new path, or just make the path you're on more challenging. You may lose yourself in the process, and everything you know may disintegrate in just a matter of seconds; but the key is that no matter what: you always find a way to believe.
In November, as the last leaf fell I was on a different path, and was a different person. I now sit here, six months later, still trying to find the right words. And although I cling to the person I once was, I continue the long, and restless search for the person I'm meant to be, the person God lead me down a different alley to find.

No matter how hard I try, I can't keep the last November leaf from falling.. but instead, carry it as a memory, and continue on the search to find the person God wants me so badly to be..

.. and the search that will let go of November, and turn over a new leaf.